June82013

tumblrbot said: WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU ARE IN A BAD MOOD?

Currently: my plants. They’re beautiful and their growth is a biological miracle. Music, friends, and crowd surfing also cheer me up :) 

8PM

Anonymous said: Dearest world traveler and philosopher of life: Tell me who inspired you growing up

I’ve had all sorts of inspiring people in my life, the strongest of which are my dear parents… who pursue truth and excellence, yet always value philosophy and adventure. I’ve been inspired by many teachers - friends, lovers, academics, doctors, explorers, and children. 

8PM
Applied to science:  2 years in graduate school later, and they still do not suspect that I am a mere human.
 How many times has someone asked you “are you a ______” and you humbly, but almost in a panic, respond ” no, not yet, not really” ?   When I first began rock climbing I struggled with my identity in this way. “When am I a real climber?” I asked my best friend earnestly. Years passed and rock walls were scaled. I spent time meditating on different moves and my body found the adjustments necessary to reach higher and hold on longer. I developed technique and style of my own, and adventure gleamed in my eyes and passion filled my voice when I dreamed of beautiful peaks and ‘sending hard’. Climbing language integrated into my lexicon, and over time I acquired much of the  necessary equipment to climb independently.  Now am I a climber? I would ask myself, knowing that only I, that one that had set the threshold, could ever allow myself that identity. One day I finally whispered to myself:  I’m a climber. 
Almost 2 years into graduate school, I’ve found myself in the exact same situation. Am I a scientist?  How many sequences must I analyze? How many Western Blots run, PCRs performed, cells sorted, poked and prodded. How many things must turn green, how many papers published? How many proposals written? After my qualifying exams? Then will I be a scientist? Or after I finish my Ph.D.? 
This identity struggle is not unique to me. I hear many members of my graduate group espousing these fears, my peers and friends all admit to an ‘impostor syndrome’ and self describe as “wondering when someone will notice that I shouldn’t be here and kick me out”.   At what point can we begin to forgive our imperfections, understand that we’re always, in this world, learning… and become, anyways, what we’re setting out to be?
-just some thoughts- 
-Alli 

Applied to science:  2 years in graduate school later, and they still do not suspect that I am a mere human.

 How many times has someone asked you “are you a ______” and you humbly, but almost in a panic, respond ” no, not yet, not really” ?   When I first began rock climbing I struggled with my identity in this way. “When am I a real climber?” I asked my best friend earnestly. Years passed and rock walls were scaled. I spent time meditating on different moves and my body found the adjustments necessary to reach higher and hold on longer. I developed technique and style of my own, and adventure gleamed in my eyes and passion filled my voice when I dreamed of beautiful peaks and ‘sending hard’. Climbing language integrated into my lexicon, and over time I acquired much of the  necessary equipment to climb independently.  Now am I a climber? I would ask myself, knowing that only I, that one that had set the threshold, could ever allow myself that identity. One day I finally whispered to myself:  I’m a climber. 

Almost 2 years into graduate school, I’ve found myself in the exact same situation. Am I a scientist?  How many sequences must I analyze? How many Western Blots run, PCRs performed, cells sorted, poked and prodded. How many things must turn green, how many papers published? How many proposals written? After my qualifying exams? Then will I be a scientist? Or after I finish my Ph.D.? 

This identity struggle is not unique to me. I hear many members of my graduate group espousing these fears, my peers and friends all admit to an ‘impostor syndrome’ and self describe as “wondering when someone will notice that I shouldn’t be here and kick me out”.   At what point can we begin to forgive our imperfections, understand that we’re always, in this world, learning… and become, anyways, what we’re setting out to be?

-just some thoughts- 

-Alli 

6PM

Amazing comic. I’ve been contemplating this for some time now

(Source: debrevitatevitae, via cksaul)

November232012
Corn Maze at Sunset outside of Davis, California. 

Corn Maze at Sunset outside of Davis, California. 

November222012
I found this on a friend’s facebook wall recently. I couldn’t help but pause and wonder at its truth. I used to think about art more… appreciating the art in every moment, in the sundry details of the day as well as the spectacular events. The quiet patter of rain on the skylight above my lover’s bed, wind whistling through a canyon at dusk… a scattering of beer bottles and wine glasses after a dinner party full of close lovely friends… blue confetti ground into carpet after an election party. The trick is to see those details as sentinels of a beauty-filled and vibrant life. 
I haven’t written on here much recently. Grad school has sucked me in and I feel guilty reading and writing for a ‘non thesis’ cause. That’s bullshit and burnout will swallow me whole if I can’t be a whole person. That means blogging, reading National Geographic, playing my guitar, spending time with loved ones. Enter: life. 

I found this on a friend’s facebook wall recently. I couldn’t help but pause and wonder at its truth. I used to think about art more… appreciating the art in every moment, in the sundry details of the day as well as the spectacular events. The quiet patter of rain on the skylight above my lover’s bed, wind whistling through a canyon at dusk… a scattering of beer bottles and wine glasses after a dinner party full of close lovely friends… blue confetti ground into carpet after an election party. The trick is to see those details as sentinels of a beauty-filled and vibrant life. 

I haven’t written on here much recently. Grad school has sucked me in and I feel guilty reading and writing for a ‘non thesis’ cause. That’s bullshit and burnout will swallow me whole if I can’t be a whole person. That means blogging, reading National Geographic, playing my guitar, spending time with loved ones. Enter: life. 

June12012
May272012
My life motto… thrown back at me. This quarter has been hard. Hell, this year’s been hard so far. 26, in my first year of grad school, and of course… I always seem to choose the road less traveled by. But isn’t that the point? 

My life motto… thrown back at me. This quarter has been hard. Hell, this year’s been hard so far. 26, in my first year of grad school, and of course… I always seem to choose the road less traveled by. But isn’t that the point? 

11PM
11PM
“if it were easy, everyone would do it…”
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